I didn’t think I was killing myself when I started going down the slippery slope of my eating disorder. But what I didn’t know was my Ed was disguising as a friend, so I thought it was okay.
It wasn’t.
If it was ok and if he was a friend, why did he let me be hospitalized two years ago? Why did he let me gain some weight but slip right back down? Why did he tell me to take a year off of school to “get this under control” when really, it was an excuse to be with me longer and convince me that we can stay friends? Why did he let e be hospitalized again? While at the hospital, telling me I’m still not supposed to be there and that I need to still do my stomach crunches?
Both times in the hospital they let me out after a month because I wasn’t gaining enough. Ed was wedged in my head and he wasn’t going to come out.
At my first hospitalization, I could have had a heart attack. My weight was low enough that I could have died. But in my head, Ed was there and he convinced me that it was ok to die.
Eating disorders are a slippery slope to death.
And it’s not fun.
